listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
