Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
