cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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