Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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