Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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