Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
