I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
