just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
