do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
