dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
