i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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