you would pick up someone in the library
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
