Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
