What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
