She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
