The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
