wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
