Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
