The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
