You're my little dorito
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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