He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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