Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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