MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As shirtless as possible
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
