when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
