Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
