Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
