So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
