my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
