You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
