HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
