So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
