Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
home. puking in laundry basket.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
