I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
