My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
