im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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