Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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