If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
