Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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