Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
