Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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