i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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