I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
