The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
