dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
