Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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