a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
