There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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