He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
