too bad you live with your parents still
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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