Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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