in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
not ubering you a puppy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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