I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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