you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
