she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
