Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
